Officially ConCERNed

Get out your tinfoil hats! Have you heard your kids mention the Mandela Effect? This common-but-out-there theory is about to dominate the internet again, and you’ll be one step ahead by reading up on what’s going on with the Particle Collider in Switzerland.

This week, the brilliant pranksters at CERN (derived from the French translation of The European Organization for Nuclear Research) are powering on the particle collider in their Swiss Home Base. The Large Hadron Collider, a very big and very fancy machine for accelerating photons, has made waves almost every time it’s been switched on in the last decade.

Yes, it’s a little disconcerting that CERN’s logo looks an awful lot like the numbers 666, and that they were under fire for literally simulating a human sacrifice to a deity of death in 2016, but it’s highly unlikely that in the course of the pursuit of progressing particle physics that they’re actually trying to open a portal to another dimension.

But that’s not going to stop the internet from thinking they are!

The Mandela effect is one such theory that’s risen from the conspiracy caves of the World Wide Web (fun fact, the Web actually originated at CERN in 1989), and oh boy is it a doozy. The quick recap is that thousands (perhaps more) of people vividly remember the South African Anti-Apartheid leader Nelson Mandela dying in prison in the 80’s, when in fact he was released in 1990 and lived for decades after. Since this initial conspiracy theory, several notable examples have arisen and stuck.

For example, was it the Berenstein Bears or the Berenstain Bears? People swear doggedly on one or the other. And the Fruit of the Loom logo – did it ever feature a cornucopia? YES IT DID, screams half the world. What about JIF peanut butter – was it ever called JIFFY?

YEAH HUH, some angry PB enthusiasts roar.

It’s probably easier to explain to your kids that the human memory is extremely fallible, or that dual patents exist, or that printing errors are a thing – it’s got to be a tough conversation, diving into the multiverse. Admittedly, things have been very weird in this timeline for the past few years, basically since the particle collider was first switched on. It makes sense that kids, who admittedly aren’t very plugged into particle physics, could see this experimentation as shadowy or nefarious.

But what do you think? Is CERN tearing open space-time? By the time you read this, we could be in a new timeline altogether! Kanye for President 2024!

Oh, wait…that’s this timeline, isn’t it? Whoops!

portal back to reality // freepik x W. Isles

Related Posts

McDonalds is expanding beyond toys in happy meals, and has created what will most likely go down as the worst chair in history. The “McCrispy Ultimate Gaming Chair” is the newest release from the golden arches, and comes with a host of food-holding accessories. Why? So gamers can eat more McDonalds while playing their games, of course! Read onto “What the” to learn all about it. 
Did you know most people spend around seven hours a day on their devices? Whether it’s a phone, a computer, or a TV, “screen” technology has become a major part of our day-to-day lives. Now what if we told you that this would lead to your great-great-grandchildren having hunchbacks, clawed hands, and a second eyelid…for the screen-brightness, of course. A depiction of this “future human” has gone viral on social media, and while it is rather unsettling (it’s horrifying), it’s raising awareness to the very real damage we do to our bodies while enjoying our modern lives. 
The future of relationships is looking mighty strange, folks. About a decade ago, it was a little funny to hear that a couple had met online and were going strong. “How are you supposed to make genuine connections through the internet?” was a common enough question. Then online dating and matchmaking became deliberate, and apps like Tinder and Plenty Of Fish took off. According to statistics, almost 40% of couples today met digitally. So what will the future hold? There’s a new trend emerging in the world of URL-to-IRL romance – one where the partner isn’t a real person at all. Does this signal the rise of one-sided relationships? Or will the trend collapse and be nothing more than an internet historical footnote? One thing is clear: the traditional guidelines for dating are becoming more blurred than ever.

The Single BEST (and FREE!) Newsletter You'll Read All Week 🔥🦄